The Megaphone – Liz Parker's Blog

November 2008

This appeared in Oprah’s November 2008 issue.  Full of amaaaaazing wisdom…and I’m curious to know which points hit home for you.  After sending this to a few friends I thought I’d toss it up on the blog.  Read it and get back to me.  xo, Liz

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Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, “What do you know for sure?” and I got all flustered and started stuttering and couldn’t come up with an answer, I’ve never stopped asking myself that question. And every month I must find yet another answer. Some months I feel I hardly know a thing, and I’m always pressed to make the deadline for this column. This time around, in honor of our tribute to the subject, I looked back and came up with my all-time top 20:

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)

2. You define your own life. Don’t let other people write your script.

3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.

4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)

5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.

6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.

7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)

8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.

9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.

10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn’t lie.

12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.

13. Let passion drive your profession. 

14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.

15. Love doesn’t hurt. It feels really good.

16. Every day brings a chance to start over.

17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.

18. Doubt means don’t. Don’t move. Don’t answer. Don’t rush forward.

19. When you don’t know what to do, get still. The answer will come.

20. “Trouble don’t last always.” (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)

So thanks, Gene, for asking me the question.

Here is where I’m going to sound totally shallow.  As Tracie Macko once said, “I’m in touch with my superficial side, and I’m okay with it.”  Tracie Macko is a former colleague of mine from my TSO days.  Always exceedingly stylishly dressed, we were once emailing each other about bad fashion, and the many, many faux pas out there.  I wrote my concern about how completely shallow and like, totally “un-deep” I must be sounding, and she wrote back, “I’m in touch with my superficial side, and I’m okay with it.”  Which cracked me up, and I’ve quoted her ever since.  By the way, if you’re ever looking for a dance troupe or dance instruction, she’s your gal: www.traciedance.com. 

I have a few fashion pet peeves I’d like to air, please.  One is the un-cut “X” stitch you see at the backs of trench coats or skirts with a slit.  It’s a big, loose cross-stitch, sewn in solely for the purpose of preventing the flaps of fabric from becoming dog-eared during shipping.  It’s loose enough you could tear it with your finger; once it’s cut, you’ll notice a significantly improved drape of the trench or skirt.  Please check the back of your trench coats, blazers, jackets, skirts, or dresses for an “X” stitch to remove.

Another is committed by men and women – it’s the label on the coat sleeve that says “100% wool”.  Again, it’s loosely stitched on, and meant to be removed upon purchase. 

Unless you are six feet tall and ninety pounds, a child, or a Sesame Street character, please don’t wear horizontal stripes.  They aren’t flattering.  Ever. 

Is it just me, or do most men hem their trousers too short?!??

This past week, I’ve been down with a killer cold that’s been going around.  My makeup artist friend Rebecca swung by with some much-needed grocery items.  When she turned to go, I saw the X-stitch in the back of her trench, and told her about it and she said, “oh my god, rip it off!  Rip it off!!!”  She exclaimed, “that’s as bad as the sticker you see on the bottom of people’s shoes.”  How could I have missed that?”  Indeed – take the price sticker off the soles of your shoes, because it’s all people can see when you’re walking ahead of them.  If it’s a stubborn sticker and it’s a black-soled shoe, for god’s sake, get the Sharpie pen out.

On a totally unrelated matter, while I’m acknowledging Grocery Angels, a shout out as well to Daniella, who very kindly dropped off some amazing Indian food, a smoothie, and a few magazines – ah, the choir sang, the angels wept…..

One last thing.  Go for clothes that fit.  Shoulder seams are not meant to hit your elbows.  They’re meant to sit on your shoulders.

I realise I sound totally shallow.  Oh well; I’m in touch with my superficial side, and I’m okay with it. 

When I was reading “The Boss of You” and became inspired to set up my own side business helping musicians with their press kits, I got back in touch with co-author Lauren Bacon, with whom I studied music at UBC.  We didn’t know each other all that well during school, but over the years, I’d kept an eye on her successful web studio, www.raisedeyebrow.com,  which she founded with Emira Mears, the other author of “The Boss of You”.  After reading their book, which inspired me to no end, I got in touch with Lauren and reported in regularly with my progress: finding a web designer; writing my copy; getting a photo shoot done, etc.  And like a total nerd, I regularly informed her of every purchase of their book my friends made, thanks to my recommendations (if not outright bullying).

When I was complaining about various issues I have, Lauren said she and Emira’s motto is, “fuelled by outrage”.  I pounced on that statement as much as all my friends do, to whom I’ve passed this mantra on.  While on the one hand it cracks me up, on the other hand, it perfectly sums up how I feel about some of the things in my life I’m not thrilled with, and intend on changing. 

Now, no matter what beef I have – I think about Lauren and Emira’s credo.  And when you figure out something that makes you really happy – be it your vocation, better relationships, dropping old friendships you’ve outgrown, drawing boundaries, sticking to your guns when it’s inconvenient, making some changes – it doesn’t matter what the crap is that you sometime have to deal with on a regular basis.  Because if you’re working on something you love, THAT will provide the perfect outlet to channel all your frustrated energy. 

For more on Lauren and Emira, please visit  www.laurenandemira.com.

I have a theory.  I have many theories, actually.  This one is about the barriers we throw up for ourselves – ie, when we second-guess ourselves; convince ourselves of all the reasons why we can’t do something that we really want to do.  I’ve tested this theory on quite a few friends now, and I think there’s some merit to it.

There’s the “bullshit” barrier (“BB”) and the “legit” barrier (“LB”).  I find we all default to the BB whenever we want to pursue any of the following:

-go after better relationships

-go after an amazing job

-leave town for a year to travel

-change friends

-start a new fitness regimen

-change our look

I’m astounded how much people are conditioned to second-guess themselves.  Of course it’s prudent to think things through, but why can’t we see the endless potential in ourselves instead of question whether we should go for it?

A friend was asking me about helping him submit scores to Canadian orchestras for consideration.  He is a very gifted composer and arranger, and when I suggested some people for him to contact, his question was, “are they approachable?” My response was, “Why’s that an issue?  Do you want your music heard or not?”  Meaning, he was already setting up a potential barrier to prevent him from even trying.  A lot of people don’t go after their dreams because they don’t want to let go of their current lives – even if they’re plainly miserable.  Another BB.

An LB takes a “real” reason why something isn’t gonna happen.  The example I like to use is this: imagine if you found the PERFECT job listing and it described EXACTLY what you’re born to do, and love doing.  Problem is, it requires fluency in French, German, and Italian.  Well, unless you’re Swiss, you can consider this a “legitimate” barrier to getting the job.  Anther legitimate barrier is pursuing a career in runway modelling if you’re petite and un-photogenic. 

I think the trick is to recognise which barrier you’re imposing on yourself, and to act accordingly.  I know if I were the petite/un-photogenic person, I’d pursue a career in fashion, but obviously, not modelling.  In my own life, I recognized I didn’t enjoy performing the piano onstage, nor have the “big talent” required to make it as a musician.  So, I figured exactly what my role really was in the world of music.

When in doubt about something you’d really love to do, ask yourself if it’s a Bullshit Barrier or a Legit Barrier.  And take it from there.