The Megaphone – Liz Parker's Blog

Tattoos used to be the domain of sailors, bikers, criminals, misfits, and women of questionable character.  Now, they are mainstream.  Everyone is getting inked.  And thanks to shows like “Miami Ink” and “LA Ink”, tattooing has been de-mystified.  In the music world, tattoos are no longer for rock groups who roast live goats onstage: classical, jazz, and (gasp) even CHOIR singers are getting them.  Yahoooo!

 

The reasons why people choose to get inked are as varied and complex as there are types of people.  Some do it for the rebel factor (I can admit to this), or to honour something or someone of deep meaning (yup – that applies to me); to cover scars that won’t fade after the pain has (er….me as well); or because it’s a rite of passage to a very violent gang (doesn’t apply to me).

 

It’s true that tattoos are addictive.  Since I know many inked women, I can say that most of us started with something small and discreet, to test the waters.  Once the addiction took hold – as quickly as meth – we all went for another, and another, all increasing in size. 

 

A very lovely person I’ll refer to as Piper and I went to get more tattoos done on Thursday, December 11 at Black Line Studio (www.blacklinestudio.ca) on King, east of Bathurst.   (My outline is done; back for the colour January 3).  I’d been talking about getting it done for ages, and she finally slapped the business card of Black Line on my desk and said, “book your appointment!” I was so grateful she did; then, when the day came, she spontaneously booked another for herself – and we got inked together. 

 

As we were cared for each other’s backs the next day, one thing came up that annoyed us both.  It’s bad enough getting dumb comments, ie her ex mocked her first tattoo, asking if the text was an order for egg rolls and fried rice when….uh…. it isn’t even in Chinese.  But what we always get – without fail – is “ohhhh…but how is this going to look when you’re OLD???”.  We realised that when men talk about getting tattooed, they are not asked this question.  Men’s bodies droop then they get old, too.  Let’s just say the actual ritual of getting inked is, in itself, a symbolic process of committing to something for life, and not looking back.  I think it’s still slightly less “acceptable” for women to get inked than men, although I’m grateful that is becoming less and less the case.  And when I am 100, sitting in a care home for the elderly, I will simply be part of a generation of inked women, and there will be other elderly women in the home with tattoos.  I like the thought of nurses wondering what kind of young, vibrant, feisty chick I once was, based on my art.

 

Just bear this in mind: when a woman makes the deeply personal decision to get inked, knowing the judgement she may face, and knowing that one day she will be old and the tattoo will have faded, etc. – she knows.  She has thought about it.  And by the time she’s made her decision, absolutely NOTHING you can say or do will dissuade her. 

 

Now that we’ve got THAT out of the way.

 

There are many tattoo shops along Queen Street West, between Spadina and Claremont.  There are some I wouldn’t even go in – they look too “I’m a twenty-something anguished poet-artist slummin’ in the ‘hood” for me.  Then I realised – I didn’t like the shops with artwork strung up on the walls.  For me it implied an impersonal assembly-line method of tattooing – pick your design and away you go.  I much preferred the shops that didn’t have any prototypes on display – but had individual artist portfolios easily accessible on coffee tables.  You want your design to be about YOU – not about the artist who drew it in advance, without having met you.

 

I thought I’d impart a few tips if you’re thinking about getting inked.

 

-Think long and hard about what it is you want done.  Avoid anything trendy.  When I first got inked in the early 90s, Celtic bands around the arm and The Simpsons were all the rage.  I avoided that stuff and kept to images that will remain significant to me. 

 

-Double check spellings of any text.  The studio should have internet to check images and spellings.  Your tattoo artist is skilled in inking and colour; don’t expect him/her to be up on spelling.  If we’re talking about English, ensure you choose the spelling you want – British or American. 

 

-Visit some shops and get a feel for each one.  I dropped by Black Line Studio a couple of times before making the appointment.  I needed to check out the vibe, and I liked it.  Since I walk by the studio every day, I was actually lurking quite a lot. 

 

-Trust your instincts….if you’re feeling just a touch uneasy about your design or the studio, pay attention to it and hold off.

 

-Be open-minded.  What you have visualized may not work on your skin.  Art should always be about collaboration, not a dictatorship (as any orchestra player will tell you).  Communicate with your artist and allow him/her to contribute to the artistic process.

 

-Despite the incredible skill and significance of what tattoo shops offer, don’t expect a Type-A office administrator type to take your call.  It will likely be an apprentice who never gets up before noon, and doesn’t think about all the stuff you really need to know. 

 

-Prepare.  When you book your appointment, tell whomever on the phone the size of your tattoo.  This affects the length of your appointment, plus if you need to come in for a 2^nd session.

 

-Large tattoos require two or more sessions: one for the outline, the other for the colour.

 

-Bring a towel as some shops don’t have them.  If you need to be topless, it’s nice to have a towel to keep your front covered.

 

-Bring a pillow or soft cushion – if you get your back done, you need to hunch forward for a long time.  A cushion makes it much more comfortable.  I even brought small stuffed animals for Piper and I to clutch during the procedure, I’m not embarrassed to admit it. 

 

-have large Saran wrap ready at home.  You will need it to keep your tattoo covered for a few days.  Buy first-aid “scotch tape” for skin – the kind that holds bandages in place. 

 

-Ask in advance if the shop sells skincare products.  You will need a gentle antibacterial soap and a pure moisturizer like 100% cocoa butter.  My shop sells Trisan mild skin cleanser and H2Ocean moisturizing cream. 

 

-Be sure to line up a friend to help you with cleaning and moisturising if you live alone and have a tattoo in an awkward spot. 

 

-Ladies, wear a loose, stretchy bra.  Be sure it’s black in case of bleeding.  By the same token, wear a loose, black cotton t-shirt and stretchy leggings as you may need to contort during the session.  Bring a hair elastic to keep your hair out of the way.

 

-Give it two weeks for healing; it may scab over.  For the next few days, stay out of the sun, Jacuzzis, etc.

 

-take long, slow breaths throughout.  It helps you relax and accept the pain.  Take breaks as you need, although I found I wanted to get it over with.  I only stopped to stretch my shoulders and head back – but I never left the chair once we were underway.  I find once you get into a zone of pain, it hurts more to stop and resume.  So I sat still, and took it for two hours.  

 

-You may be light-headed; don’t plan on any strenuous activity for a few days.  If the shop is far from your home, consider having cab fare handy.  Have some wine waiting for you when you get home. 

 

-Yes.  It hurts. 

 

Any questions?  Send ‘em my way.  If you’re a performer concerned about photo shoots, don’t worry – everything is photo-shoppable nowdays. 

I’d like to profusely thank a wise man nicknamed Papa Mansell for saying that I am “beautiful, and an art gallery”.  Truly, he has given me the perfect response to anyone who mentions the stupid “when you’re old” thing.  Thank you, Papa Mansell. 

 

XO

 

Jay Austin is a hilarious French horn grad student at New Mexico University whom I met at the TSO when we were both staffers.  He would occasionally drop by my office and we’d chat about music or relationships, and sometimes these conversations continued at our watering hole, the Duke of York.  While I’ve seen rants re: audience behaviour, I haven’t seen too many on performer behaviour.  And thus Jay’s blog was born…..

***

I’m so very honoured that Liz asked me to contribute to her blog.  We were speaking one night via the joy that is online chatting and I asked her about some of the on-stage habits that drive her into insanity (or to a bottle of red wine…); inevitably our conversation lasted well over an hour and she asked me to contribute to her blog.  As a former colleague of hers, I would often drift into Liz’s office asking questions about “the biz” and a big part of that is how you present yourself on stage.  Sure, sure, sure…a great performance can stand alone, but what makes the best stand out?  I call it “owning the stage”.  Ever seen Yo-Yo Ma perform?  He doesn’t just sit there and play, he’s engaged in the whole show…the crowd loves him, the orchestra loves him and when he walks on stage, he is the centre of attention.  So…I write these thoughts not to judge, but to make everyone aware that we can all be like our favourite performers. 

The conception of this post came from a simple question  -  when you’re in the audience what kind of things do performers do that drive you nuts?  The list grew and grew…so here goes:

1.       Crossing your legs while playing – Orchestral players are so guilty of this!  I cross my legs when I’m sitting on the couch with a beer and some pizza while I watch a hockey game, not when I’m supposed to look like a professional.  Yes, we all get it, but think of it this way…how many years has the band Chicago been touring and performing?  If you saw them live you’d swear it was their first live show ever and that they were completely stoked to be on stage.  These guys are having a great time playing, not looking like they’ve been performing for over 40 years.

2.       Looking at your feet/frowning when you walk out on stage – First things first, after the age of 4 or 5, we should have walking pretty much learned (unlike the English language, which I just used like a 3^rd grader).  So, for everyone from the local garage band to brass quintet players, look up, make eye contact with your audience, engage them and look like you’re ready to have some fun.  Music is fun…musicians get to play for a living…not like a factory worker or used car salesperson…THAT is work!  As a classical horn player, I get to put on a tux (just like James Bond…) and play great music…fun stuff.  Smile and enjoy yourself.  Life’s ride is pretty short –  might as well have a good time doing what it is you do. 

3.       Wearing a badly tailored suit or having a really wrinkled shirt – Of course, this applies to the performers that wear suits and tuxedos on stage.  Maybe I’m weird, but I play better when I feel like I look like a million bucks.  When I go to a recital or concert and see my colleagues in the local professional symphony and see people that look like they pulled a shirt from the bottom of the laundry pile, that doesn’t exactly make me (the entertainee…is that a real word?) get excited for a performance.  It doesn’t cost a lot to get your pants hemmed, or iron your shirt and it speaks volumes to an audience. 

4.       Bowing with your feet apart – EVEN a little!! – Granted, the movie came out long before I was born, but think back to the first time you ever saw Frankenstein (ready, start thinking…ok now stop).  Green head, bolts sticking out and always has his feet apart, bends at the waist and looks extremely uncomfortable in his own skin.  Right – that guy!!!  Now, think back to the last time you took a bow on stage, if your feet were apart, all you need is some green face paint and some painful bolts in your head and you’ve recreated that image in your audiences mind.  Bowing is one of those things that musicians don’t think about when preparing for a show, and it can be very unnerving if you haven’t ever had to.  One professional I studied with told me that it took him over 250 shows on tour before he felt comfortable bowing…practice!!  At the very least, make sure your shoes are together and that you accept the applause with a smile and a gracious bow. 

Wow…so I ranted a bit!  One last thing…jeans are NOT recital attire.  For any students who’re reading this and think that jeans and a blazer looked great on your favourite movie star or athlete…cool, but put on a suit, perhaps a tie, but wait until later when you go head for the bar to be wearing jeans. 

Until next time…J

***

Liz’s additions:

My performer pet peeves include soloists who clearly didn’t envision how their outfit would look from far away.  Men usually wear a suit or tails; but I’ve seen some ladies’ outfits that left me wondering, “what were they thinking?”.  And while most men’s outfits look fine onstage, I remember a conductor’s buttons, stitched right above the tails didn’t match – and it distracted me all throughout the concert (my TSO colleague said the exact same thing).  We let him know later to get matching buttons.  Another thing to look out for – if you’re sitting in performance (chamber music, pianist, etc.) – get your trouser pockets re-lined in black.  A big, gaping white pocket is not attractive.  If you require a handkerchief to mop your brow, get a small black terrycloth towel.  You can get a normal facecloth tailored down to a small size.  They’re great – they blend right into a music stand or piano and from far away, will look like a silk pocket square.  Very discreet, and more practical, too!  

I also have to mention acknowledging the audience.  I love a performer who has so many eager fans that they’re willing to sit in the choir loft – meaning, behind and above the stage.  I’ve seen a lot of performers acknowledge only the audience in front of them, and I find it touching when they rotate, bowing to absolutely everyone.  

Singers and string players: I’m a HUGE fan of acknowledging your pianist at the time of your first bow.  I realise it’s common practise to bow first, and then acknowledge your pianist, but I don’t think that’s good enough.  I was very lucky that my very first experience as a voice student was with Chris Foley, THE collaborative pianist in town.  Check out his blog -  http://collaborativepiano.blogspot.com.

Thanks Jay, for your thoughts – and see you on IM soon!  J            

If you have any performer pet peeves, please comment on this blog. 

PS: I LOVE that Jay is “in touch with his superficial side…and is okay with it.” 

 

 

I’ll be blunt: I really don’t like Christmas.  In fact, I hate it.  I try not to gnash my teeth when the holiday commercials start, or when the annoying carols are piped into the shops.  Ick, I’m not a fan of Christmas. 

 

Maybe I should be more specific.  I do like going home to Vancouver to see my parents.  I love seeing the mountains and ocean, and to this day, I still get choked up over seeing them.  I love reuniting with the friends I bonded with in my 20s.  And I love looking at all the pretty Christmas lights.   I guess what I REALLY mean to say is that I loathe all the obligations that surround Christmas, especially the gift-giving.  I’m no Grinch by any means – gifts are important to children especially, and if any two friends really love swapping gifts, more power to ‘em.  I just find the whole process tedious and insincere.  There are enough gifts you “have” to buy (like the dreaded office Secret Santa, or your in-laws, your kid’s teacher, etc.) that I find the less gift swapping, the better.

 

I have had a strict no-gift policy for many years, when I simply lost the joy in giving and receiving obligatory gifts.  It has reduced my stress levels to no end: no more dragging my parka around in a hot, crowded, brightly-lit mall, looking at my list and freaking out about all the stuff I “have” to buy.  There is simply no joy in this for me, and worse yet, I can’t stand the thought of someone going through this effort on my behalf.  It’s the obligation I have trouble with.  My gift to my friends and family is not to worry about getting me something because they’re “supposed” to.  My gift to them is not to bother with the fuss, and to meet up for a drink somewhere quiet, away from the holiday insanity.  I usually suggest going for a great meal, a movie and coffee, or baking cookies - and that’s the gift.  Just spending time together. 

 

On the occasions that I do give a present, I’m a fan of gift baskets filled with consume-ables.  Who doesn’t love jam, dips, crackers, cheese, chocolate, biscuits, and smoked salmon?  We all have “stuff” and we all need to de-clutter to some degree – why give something that takes space when many of us live in wee condos or rentals?  Nothing beats a bottle of wine or tasty treats in my books.

 

I bet if you suggested to people who really “get” you that you wanted to skip the gifts, many would look at you with relief.  People aren’t spending too much these days.  And like I said, there are enough “obligatory” gifts when you add up THAT total, it’s a bit of cash.  Instead, invest in some time with those you love most, and make THAT the gift.  Then you can relax, take in the atmosphere, and actually enjoy the festive spirit.

 

Merry Christmas.